I keep trying to think of something to write but I have nothing.  Nothing funny going on, nothing interesting to do.  So I guess I’ll tell you some stuff I’ve thought or did lately.

You ever have that dream that you’re back in high school?  Somehow you messed up and didn’t graduate right and have to go back and do stuff over.  I have a form of that dream pretty often.  Last night I had a dream that I was me, a full-grown adult and living here the way I do, except my mom (issues ahoy) lived with me and I had to go back to high school.  It was morning time and I was running late and had to get ready for school, then drop my mom off at work before I went to school.  When I was getting ready and sitting on the toilet, I was looking out the window and saw a big owl poop out a little owl that was wearing a vest.  So there’s that.  The rest of my dream was me going to band class and being annoyed that I had to play Stars and Stripes Forever on the piccolo.

This morning in real life, it was Monday and I needed coffee like the desert needs the rain.  I decided this week to stop splurging on buying coffee every single day because why not just sign my whole paycheck over to different coffee purveyors?  So I made a pot of coffee, had two cups before I left and then filled my travel mug and went to work where I continued to make another pot of coffee and then I had every thought in the world, did so much work and then got shaky and dancey.  It happens.  Caffeine Apocalypse yields to no one.

Work has been awesome.  I love my new job and I work with some great people.  I’m going to mention right now in a non-racist matter of fact way that it is a small office and out of the 4 of us, besides the boss, the other two girls are black.  Today I was working on something in the conference room when I heard “….(mumble mumble) is so stupid, I can’t even.” So I ask “Oh, who’s stupid?” and then one of the girls goes “black people!” and I’m like “I am so not getting involved in this.”  One day they asked me a White Person question, and I am in turn allowed to ask (or ax) them Black People questions.  They asked me “Why are white people so obsessed with Jon Benet Ramsey?” And I’m like count me out of that too.  White people go fucking nuts when a white girl goes missing.  I asked them a black question of “Is it true that white people smell like wet dogs when we come in from the rain?” and they said no.  Whew!

Over the weekend I learned how to make pirogies with my family for Easter.  It was awesome spending time with them and now I know how to make awesome delicious pirogies at home instead of just buying them.  My cousin was hungry and he made a pirogie the size of his hand, like a calzone.  He also thought it was clever to hide a finished bag of pirogies from us in my grandma’s room and had us all thinking we went nuts and just lost a bag of pierogies.  Four pollacks wandering around the house looking high and low for missing pirogies… good times!

I don’t have much else going on quite honestly.  Working, eating, sleeping and then on the weekends I throw a drink down my trap and mellow out.  I need some zany capers.

I don’t really have a set topic that I’m going to blog about today, so this might end up being some bullshit.

I currently do not have a job.  That pretty much blows and lowers my self worth by 99%.  It really sucks, and I don’t even have the “well I’ll just focus on my kids and family more” excuse because I was not dumb enough to sustain life in this womb.  That’s something that’s been pissing me off lately.  No, not the fact that I didn’t have kids yet and I’m almost 30 so I might as well just kill myself…. wait.  I went on a tangent there.  Here’s what I mean.  You know how stupid people have lots of kids?  And poor people?  They love having kids.  Well even the stupidest people who are always clogging up your Facebook with their crap about how precious their kids are, even when they feel like losers (or maybe they DON’T ever feel like losers, because they’re not smart enough to even analyze their own existence), they can always say “well I am a parent and it is the most rewarding and important job in the world.”  I didn’t even do that.  I know it’s because I’m smart enough to have analyzed my life and thought “well I am not set up right to have kids currently and I’d like to make more money first to provide a stable life for them.”  Unlike a lot of retards who are all “what, I thought you only got pregnant during your period?”  who just pop out kids and don’t even understand why.  No forethought goes into it.  It’s just “well I guess I’m pregnant then.”  Fuck them.  And some people have ugly babies.  I’m just saying.

The other thing about not having a job right now is that I have no schedule.  I don’t have to wake up on time for anything.  I used to go to bed always before midnight and get the proper amount of sleep to function as a human being the next day.  Now I’m just…. awake.  Really late.  I stay up late internetting or watching TV and then when I want to relax, I watch 2 or 3 episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO Go on the Aerobed in the spare room.  Yeah I live my life the way I want, wooooo yeah!  Anyways, I’ve been watching so much of Curb Your Enthusiasm that it is getting into my dreamy-times.  Last night, I dreamed that I was at my old apartment building and making food with Alton Brown for my upstairs neighbor because I ruined something of hers or borrowed something.  Part of this food preparation was sending chicken down an ice luge to cool it off.  That’s a pretty smart idea, subconscious mind, I might have to try the chicken luge.  Anyways, I was about to go upstairs to bring my neighbor some food when I looked outside and saw one of my old bosses coming from the train station.  I went to go say hi to him, but then I looked to the left, and Larry David was there waiting for a cab.  I totally blew off saying hi to my boss and ran to Larry David and professed my love for him, his show and started saying a lot of things.  Then I saw that most of the cast of Seinfeld was there so I was talking to them too.  I told them about the chicken luge, and then Alton said we had to go because we had to finish cooking.  ~Fin~

Yesterday I had to turn my phone off because Jaclyn wouldn’t stop texting me.  If I ignore her texts, she’ll start sending me messages one word at a time.  I was in PetSmart and a woman was showing me the tiny kitten she’d rescued after Hurricane Irene and my phone is beeping every 3 seconds, as though I’m important or have many important messages.  I called her from the cat food isle and told her to stop texting me and I’m turning off my phone.  Then that gave me an idea.  I should turn off my phone more often.  I’m ready to retreat into my crabitat for the long haul.  Turn off the phone, draw the blinds, no more contact with people.

Well this post was useless.  Enjoy.